Cold Saturday

It's a calm, and pleasant Saturday here in Haines, Alaska, and the wind is blowing, blowing, blowing. Gabe and I considered taking Fern down to the beach but watching the light snow on the roads blowing in tiny tornadoes, and the trees going every which way kept us safe inside. We played with Fern in the driveway a little before going into town, and running errands such as going to the library, post office, lumber yard (for shelves), and we couldn't be without a sandwich from Mountain Market. Delicious. Fern is now tired and laying on the ground at my feet, after a terrible bout with the vacuum cleaner. Olive has managed to unwire the food bowl from the cage, which I swore was parrot proof. It's hard I've decided to be part of a small rural community, and be a therapist. It's like being a secret keeper. I must say, I knew this would be hard, but I had no idea what was going to make it hard, and now I know. There's a sense of being reserved in public, and a sense of distance from everyone. I guess right now I see everyone as a potential client, or a client already. I know it's more me than it is other people but it is difficult to navigate the delicate therapeutic relationship let alone when the relationships can cross into other social settings. Sometimes I have clients that I know I might be friends with otherwise, or that I think 'man it would be nice to have a cup of coffee with you'. However those words can never be spoken, the therapeutic relationship is like chains for me. Social chains. I know that it is something I must overcome, however I haven't found my comfort zone, or even close to it yet. I feel insecure, something I haven't felt in a while. Also isolated, in more ways than one. I do believe that the issue lies more in my head than in reality, so I must grab my outgoingness by the horns and let it take me for a ride. My love for new situations, and new experiences has been set aside in the interest of doing my job right. However that doesn't mean, and shouldn't mean that I can't still be outgoing. Yes once a community member becomes a client the door is shut on an otherwise normal friendship with that person. However I only have 30 clients out of 2,000 people, that's a fact I must remember, and stick with. I think I dread running into a client, much more than they dread running into me. However it was their choice to become my client, and chances are they knew that they would run into me. Listen to me argue with myself, know the world knows how the inside of my head is. Well anyway's I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing with this issue, and others that come up.