On Life and Death

Today while I was at work Gabe took Fern down to the beach and witnessed this massive fish being washed up onto the shore as the tide went out. Looking at his photos and listening to his description of how he was with it as it's eyes closed and it became still was very intense. Something about the ocean brings you closer to life and death. When I went down to the beach to look at this massive creature it was still breathing although it's time was short. It's hard to look at such a beautiful creature as it dies. When we arrived crows and eagles had already begun to pick at it and make a meal out of it. You can recognize the circle of life in a very real way. Without this fish several eagles and other sea birds wouldn't make it through the rest of the winter. When you come that close to death - even when it's in the form of a fish your reminded again of how fickle life can be. We live on an area of the inlet that becomes so shallow during low tied that you can walk right to the island. Many seals and other wild sea life seek refuge during high tide in the shallow waters away from larger predators. However sometimes they get stuck in the sand when the tide goes out. Heather Lende in her book writes about a baby whale that once got caught on the beach and she and some neighbors pushed it back into the water before it was too late. I can imagine that we will become closer to death throughout our time here in Alaska because of the nature of the landscape and the rawness of the wilderness around us. How wild will it be to get to canoe in these waters knowing so much life lives just beneath the surface. My boss told me a story of her and her family kayaking and encountering a whole pod of humpback whales which swam right next to them. It's all very exciting and scary, and it's all very real.

Good news though- yesterday the temperature got to 30 degrees. Hallelujah! I never thought I could be so happy about such a low temperature. Today there was little wind, and we could walk on the beach for miles without achieving frost bite or wind burn. Dare I say- spring?

Lutak Inlet

Above are some pictures we took today on the south side of the Lutak inlet. Lutak is pretty much the hot spot around for beautiful homes, and it's the road that goes to the chilkoot lake. Today we went in search of some sunshine and wind free walking space. So we grabbed the pooch, and a couple of beers, and headed to the sunny side. The spot that we stopped is about 9 miles out of town, and is usually completely wind free, you can even smell the ocean out there. We spotted some beautiful homes that we were thinking would be fun to live in, and one that looked like it might tip over soon. I can't wait to get my hands on a kayak or canoe and hit the water out there on a glassy watered afternoon like this one. Fern had a great time practicing some fetch, which has posed a large challenge for her in the bringing back task. There's a home out there where we went to pick up the free couch in our living room. The man living there was renting the house, he's a park ranger for the chilkoot lake state park. Wonder if he's moving anytime soon, I heard his house has a hot tub.

Gabe and I decided that Haines may have the best beer in the world. We just visited our local brewer, which may be why this post is a little loopy... Paul owns and operates the Haines Brewery. He's a hippy with a very artistic beard. Paul's brewery is in Dalton City, the fair grounds of Haines. Dalton city is a strange little array of shops where the movie 'white fang' was filmed. Yep 'White Fang' was filmed right here in yours truly. Anyways Paul is a very cool guy and runs the most beautiful brewery you've ever seen. You walk in and are surrounded by giant vats and talkative people. You can grab a pint and chat with Paul, or grab a growler for home. We haven't yet stayed for a pint, that will be a whole other post I think, but it's our goal next time we go in.

Paul lives in one of the interesting communities here in Haines. A small group of people actually live across what is called 'mud bay' we live on 'mud bay road' but no no we're far from the actual mud. If you live in this alternative community you rely completely on sustainable energy. As it is 'off the grid' you have to park about half a mile from your home, across the mud bay, and walk the 1/2 mile across the mud. Yep when the tide comes in you'd have to bust out your skiff. Many of the residents plan their day with the tide. Man I hope they don't get the wind we do out here on the road, otherwise I don't know how it wouldn't be frost bite city. Our goal is to be invited to this cool spot off the grid, and mingle with the brew master himself. Paul and another resident of the mud bay community run the brewery and always play NPR over their sound system in the brewery. I must say I can't not like an alcoholic dispensary that plays NPR. Hope to talk more soon Paul.

A cold caught me

I woke up today with that terrible feeling in my throat. That's when you know your getting sick. So I called in sick, the day was full of tea, and relaxation.

The sun is getting brighter here everyday. All morning and afternoon I got to enjoy it as it streamed through our many living room windows. I sunned myself like a lizard sitting at the dinning room table. My colleague Kelly from Florida expresses she has never known her inner lizard until now. I can't agree more. It was a beautiful sight out the windows as the tide came in. There's no better way to recover from a cold than looking over a beautiful waterscape and sipping tea in the sunshine. Needless to say by this evening I was feeling much better.

Tonight we supported the Haines Elementary School 2nd grade fundraiser. A mother organized it, and cooked a great bunch of Thai Curry. She is conveniently Thai, so she new what she was doing. We heard about it in an email and decided to put our names on the list. We had to go between 5 and 6 to the school kitchen and pick up our food. All the parents were there, and had all helped to create the delicacy. The little 2nd graders were ushering people in to the kitchen, making sure that no one would miss out. When we got home and ate it, it was amazing. Nothing short of restaurant style. Delicious chicken curry over rice, I wished I had two helpings. I see now that with fundraisers these rural alaskans might not mess around like I thought they might.

I must say I am tired of being inside. I feel that I have been inside for several weeks now. About 2 weeks ago it got pretty cold, it's been hovering between 5-15 degrees F. Not the worst, but not the best either. I just long for a good walk with Fern, but the wind keeps us in the driveway, and the chill rushes us back inside before we'd like to be. Boo. Hopefully with daylight savings will come some warmer weather, and less wind. I know that logically doesn't work but I'm holding on to that for now.

Cold Saturday

It's a calm, and pleasant Saturday here in Haines, Alaska, and the wind is blowing, blowing, blowing. Gabe and I considered taking Fern down to the beach but watching the light snow on the roads blowing in tiny tornadoes, and the trees going every which way kept us safe inside. We played with Fern in the driveway a little before going into town, and running errands such as going to the library, post office, lumber yard (for shelves), and we couldn't be without a sandwich from Mountain Market. Delicious. Fern is now tired and laying on the ground at my feet, after a terrible bout with the vacuum cleaner. Olive has managed to unwire the food bowl from the cage, which I swore was parrot proof. It's hard I've decided to be part of a small rural community, and be a therapist. It's like being a secret keeper. I must say, I knew this would be hard, but I had no idea what was going to make it hard, and now I know. There's a sense of being reserved in public, and a sense of distance from everyone. I guess right now I see everyone as a potential client, or a client already. I know it's more me than it is other people but it is difficult to navigate the delicate therapeutic relationship let alone when the relationships can cross into other social settings. Sometimes I have clients that I know I might be friends with otherwise, or that I think 'man it would be nice to have a cup of coffee with you'. However those words can never be spoken, the therapeutic relationship is like chains for me. Social chains. I know that it is something I must overcome, however I haven't found my comfort zone, or even close to it yet. I feel insecure, something I haven't felt in a while. Also isolated, in more ways than one. I do believe that the issue lies more in my head than in reality, so I must grab my outgoingness by the horns and let it take me for a ride. My love for new situations, and new experiences has been set aside in the interest of doing my job right. However that doesn't mean, and shouldn't mean that I can't still be outgoing. Yes once a community member becomes a client the door is shut on an otherwise normal friendship with that person. However I only have 30 clients out of 2,000 people, that's a fact I must remember, and stick with. I think I dread running into a client, much more than they dread running into me. However it was their choice to become my client, and chances are they knew that they would run into me. Listen to me argue with myself, know the world knows how the inside of my head is. Well anyway's I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing with this issue, and others that come up.

Reflections on Small Town life

This posting is all about aspects of a small town. Small town life is pretty great in many regards. #1 positive for me is no traffic. The most car's I've waited for at a stop sign is 4, and I guess that must have been rush hour. The other positive is it feels very safe. It probably feels more safe than it really is. People don't lock their cars, or homes. They leave their purses in the car, and their tools out. Some people don't even take their key's out of their car. Gabe remembers these things from growing up in Danville Vermont but it's all new for me. I still can't leave things unlocked, or the key's in the car, and I doubt I'll ever get there with my past and being from the city. Feeling like nothing bad can happen get's people into trouble here though. There are still drug addicts, people with nothing to lose, and people who have nothing at all. I know because that's who ends up in my office. Since we've been here I've had one client who left her purse in the car, and came back to find cash missing, and her medication gone. Not the purse though, chances are the purse might show up later and she could track the thief down, or at least I assume that's why the purse was left. I also had a client tell me a horror story of being asleep in her bed while a robber broke in and riffled through her belongings in her bedroom drawers before leaving with nothing. So these are some of the reasons that I still lock the doors, and keep my belongings close to me. However despite these few stories I must say the crime is low. When the police report is printed in the paper it's laughable. My fellow clinician and I sit and read them around the office and joke about how funny it is. She's also from a city and recently moved here, so we really get a kick out of Joe Shmo calling the police because someone's car has been parked on his street too long. Or because someone's carbon monoxide detector was going off when it really just needed the battery changed. Really we love it though after living in a city where people are assaulted and murdered. There are several other things that are nice about living in a small town, for instance the stars are as bright as I think they can get, and it's quiet, so quiet that you can hear the quiet. Everybody waves in Haines, driving on the road or walking down the street. It's weird not too. I remember when we opened our bank account. I had set aside a whole hour to do the task thinking this would leave time to grab a bite to eat too. Well no, after you've told your story to the bank workers, joked around, gone over every paper in detail, and chosen your checks it's about an hour and a half process. However the upside is we know Jennifer at the bank, and we can wave every time we go in. And when those checks don't come in the mail, you can call her up, and she remembers you. Everything is personal, which is good and bad. I went to buy candy at the grocery store today. Of course the checker had to comment on my purchase of 3 different types of candy. Like I don't feel bad enough already. But like I said, everything is personal. People like to tell you how it is here, they like to give you lot's of information sometimes to the degree that it's a huge waste of time. They like to tell you what your doing wrong, and what your doing right, where to watch out for bears, and their opinion on Haines weather. That's the other part, everyone has a different opinion. For instance Bears, some say 'no big deal', 'they'll stay away from you'. Then some say, ' you better get a dog, that's the only way to not see a bear when your hiking'. Then some say, ' I never go ..... without a weapon'. So what do you do, well we got a dog, but not a weapon, then' well watch our ass and maybe have bear mace. At the end of the day everybody's looking out for each other but you have to figure out what works for you. After we were here for a while people started to ask us how long we were staying, when we said we were here for the time being, they ask more. 'Where do you live?' 'What do you do?' 'What's your name?' All questions I was told from a young age not to tell to strangers. There's a different kind of sense here which I reflected with my mother-in-law recently. I was comparing it to Hawaii where we were this summer. Any kind of island fever, or feelings of isolation that were in Hawaii are here ten fold. People here do whatever they want. It doesn't matter if the shop is open from 9-5, you just learn that sometime between 12 and 1 Johnny is going to be out having lunch, and it's too bad if you planned otherwise. Because Johnny owns the shop, and he's the only one with a shop like that in town. There isn't a great deal of accountability here, people are successful because they do good work, or their trusted in town, but at the end of the day they make their own rules. People don't communicate as well because of these same reasons, and what's the rush anyway if it doesn't get done today, it will probably get done tomorrow and that's just as good as today. There's no rush, and the only priority is going home at the end of the day. My theory is that the isolation creates a different sense of reality for people, it's partially a lack of accountability but it's also their sense of priorities, and a lack of the hussle and bussle of the city. There's no competition, and it makes you wonder if that's better or worse. I guess you could argue either way, but it seems like that in general it takes the sting out of the work day to feel like everything will get done... when it get's done. People seem generally more happy and they laugh and wave at each other, and generally value each other whether your gone for lunch or not. People value your services enough that it doesn't matter, because without you they would be without. Things get more meaningful when you realize how close you are to being without. When you see that costco order after not having been to a costco for months it looks pretty good. It makes you value your neighbors more, and the things you do have, and as frowned on as that is in our modern world I think it's healthy.

Back again

Well it's been a while since my last post. I don't have a great reason so I won't make anything up. This has been a very hard and weird winter. I don't want anyone to get the idea that it's a bad experience because it isn't, it's just very different from what I'm used to. Adjusting to a new place is just as much a process as the relocation itself. This is something completely new to me so it's no wonder it's been taxing. I would say the most difficult parts of the winter were that it was very dark- for about 2 months, there are few social opportunities, there's little to do exercise wise. I wouldn't say I've been depressed, but I've had moments. Not sure if it's the distance from family and friends, or if it's something about the rural life that's thrown me off. There are a lot of little things you take for granted that you didn't know you did, until you somewhere like here. I think the winters been partially difficult because I was very excited to be writing this blog, and about other things which fell through the cracks as soon as Gabe became enmeshed in his photography. The computer was almost always in use and justifiably so since photography is Gabe's life right now. It's been amazing to see him blossom since we've been here. So we finally decided to get a lap top so that I can do some projects comfortably as well. It's been great so far, and here I am.

I think the darkness is difficult for me since it really keeps you inside, if you don't have something that your really excited about, you'll kind of fester. This has mad it more of a challenge to exercise as well since we only have yoga and a bike trainer to work out. Yes it's more then many other people have here but I am so used to being able to go for a run even when it's the middle of winter in Utah. It's really only super dark for about 2 months. We are in late February now and it feels like it's back to normal since the daylight changes so much from day to day. It got dark at about 5:45 tonight a huge jump from a couple weeks ago. I'm so excited since I can start running now after work, I'm really an evening exerciser by nature.

We have a new puppy. Here name is Fern and she is a black lab and husky mix. She came from whitehorse where they were overloaded with dogs at their shelter. Fern came to Haines with her brother who looked like her twin. Fern has been a great winter project for us, and has kept us busy through the dark evenings. She is lively, and rambunctious. This is Gabe's first puppy and he loves her. It's fun to watch him experience a puppy this up close, and watch him negotiate the relationship. Olive has made it clear that she is still the Queen hen. Fern has been put in her place several times by Olive's beak. Olive is fearless so we have to be careful as Fern get's older to make sure there visits are supervised.

I've come up with a list of things that someone should tell people before they move here. Here goes:

1. There's only fresh food on Wednesday's- that's the day the barge comes in and if you go any other day most of the produce will be rotten.
2. There are only 2 restaurants open in the winter time
3. Mail doesn't come if it's windy
4. Garbage dump costs money, and its only open certain times.
5. Most places are only open 3 day's out of the week in the winter
6. They don't salt the roads, or the sidewalks- buy cleats
7. Fabulous library and coffee shop/cafe
8. The ferry only run's once per week during the winter
9. No home mail delivery
10. There aren't numbers on the houses
11. Internet is only DSL and has a max of 40 MG bites of usage per month- this is also the most expensive $100
12. All the land lines start with 766, and all the cell phone numbers start with 314
13. Only AT&T get's service here, and it's spotty at best
14. The water year round is 38 degrees F
15. High School Basket Ball is a BIG deal, be there or be square
16. The newspaper only comes out once per week
17. There are 2 hair salons, a fabric shop, 2 grocery stores, an organic market, hunting shop, 3 gas stations, a knitting shop, a town brewery, ice skating rink, 2 hard wear stores, and about 5 bars. At least in the winter months.
18. You have to haul your own drinking water if you want it to not be salty.
19. Add a dollar to every item you buy normally, and five dollars to deodorant and chips.
20. There's a great recycling center
21. The school is beautiful and full of local art work
22. Electricity is 5x what it is in SLC
23. No sidewalk except on main street
24. Bald Eagles everywhere- 20 miles from the most famous Eagle preserve in the world.
25. people sometimes come here to hide
26. Shortest day is 6 hours but feels like 4
27. Some homes have out houses
28. We are the most educated town per capita in all of Alaska
29. Most people carry a gun, and you can sometimes see it in their car.
30. There's more dogs than people
31. There's a traveling vet, eye doctor, and psychiatrist
32. Great swimming pool open all year.
33. Everyone wears the same boots- xtra tuffs
34. Sea life always visible in the near by waters
35. Don't expect anything to happen fast.
36. There's a pound and animal control guy.
37. There's a clinic but if it's anything life threatening you will be med-evacuated in a bush plane.
38. No babies are born in Haines anymore, all expectant mothers are sent away at 35 weeks.
39. Largest cities near by are Juneau- 90 miles away, and Whitehorse Canada -250 miles away.
40. People have to travel for most medical issues to Juneau, insurance companies often foot the bill for the trip.
41. Studded tires are truly a safety must.

Well there's the good, the bad, and the facts. These are things I would have liked to know for better or for worse.